And The Emmy (or in this case, The Final Rose) for Best Performance Goes to....

Brad Womack- old school, country boy, charming womanizer, desperate to settle down with the "right" girl, who got an undeserving bad rep (and introductory slap from Chantal) for following his "good judgment" OR just a blind as a bat, typical male suffering from Blondie blinders, who thinks with the wrong head? You be the judge. I think he's just glutton for punishment of the worst kind.

So I may not be a fan of Sex and the City, but my husband and I do (well, did) watched The Bachelor every week at 8:30ish on Monday.* I had watched The Bachelor religiously for the first season then sporadically over the past 9 seasons. Actually, the last time I tuned into the Rose Garden, as I commonly refer to it, was when Brad was weeding his way through for the first time; pun intended...duh. I really couldn't decide if I liked him or not, but had convinced myself that he would pick Deanna, so I quickly sought mindless entertainment elsewhere (Hello, my fist pumping friends from the Jersey Shore!). Just Imagine my surprise when I turn on The Bachelor again for the start of its 10th Season and there's Brad again. Guess him and D didn't work out? Pity, but at least now I have a chance to get to know this eligible man and of course decide who I think he should end up with.

We all know the show isn't about finding true love or it wouldn't still be airing every week, since its track record for producing successful relationships (let alone marriages) is 3 out of 10. If that was really what they were all about then I'd seriously suggest that the give Patty (the heart wielding, kick you in  the balls and tell you to smile Millionaire Match Maker) a little ring-a-ding-ding. However, that's not necessary because the show really seeks to provide Americans with eye candy and allow the viewer to determine who is so obviously in love (even though it's only been a few weeks, maybe even only a few days) and who is so blatantly a gold digger and media whore. Needless-to-say, I never shy away from eye candy or the chance to prove my match making foresight by selecting "The One" for somebody else. Watching from the beginning of this season, I actually really got into the whole thing (as did Rapha, even though he'll never admit to any of this).

To make a long story short and get you up until the last episode where the two final girls meet Brad's family we pretty much agreed on the following summations:

Alli: you could spot her grill from any space station and she could probably beat Brad in an arm-wrestling competition.
Ashley H: Damn Gina! Look at the T Banks 5-head. For someone so confident she sure needed a hug every two seconds.
Ashley S: Please tell me why at 26 years old you're worried that you're never going to find true love because you think something is wrong with you??? I mean, I agree, something is wrong with you but it's not being single. Give yourself some time to grow up, you are just too immature.
Britt: OMG ABC (and Disney) could you please give this girl a cracker. Please! She needs food, ASAP, there's a possibility for a gust of 5 mph winds to blow her away.
J, Jill, Keltie, Kimberly, Lacey, Lauren, Brittinee, Christy, Lisa P, Rebecca, Renee, Rachel, Sarah L, Sarah P: Who are these girls? The fact that I don't remember them should give you a clue as to how they fared on the show. But really...WHO ARE THESE GIRLS?
Shawntel: You're a sweetheart, but the whole Crypt-Keeper motif is enough to scare off Stephen King. You really have to get out of the mortuary...literary.
Melissa: Too damn old to act so damn childish. Good riddance.
Michelle: This girl is good. I mean not only does she talk shit, threaten, and manipulate EVERYONE in the house (especially Brad) but then she actually does a good enough job to have Chris defending her and her fake crocodile tears at the reunion. Why is it that the biggest bitches are the first to bawl when called out??? She was sooo upset about the reviews of her cast mates (which the ones who called her out were spot on) that she was sobbing....well, can you call it sobbing when not a single, solitaire tear actually falls? Just wondering. I wish I could cry so effectively...on cue. That might actually come in handy.
Stacey: You called it like you saw it, in true New England style. Can't fault you there.
Madison: Nice fangs! I was hoping she'd sink her teeth into someone, but apparently she was just a sheep in wolf's clothing. Such a let down.
Lisa M: Reminded me of a tree-hugging, go green girl, the kind that would enjoy walking the Appalachian Trail for 6-8 months out of the year. Way too genuinely sweet for this kind of competition.
Lindsay: The girl was about as self-conscious as they came. Always trying to hide the fact that she was bigger than the other girls and probably a fire crotch. Not-for-nothing, because I have the same issues, but if you want to compete, get over it.

Down to two: Chantal and Emily.

Chantal: Out of all the crazies, and Lord knows with Michelle in the mix there were some crazies, you seemed to be the most sincere. But seriously, how sincere could you possibly have been since you had just gotten out of the divorce and were madly in love with someone else before The Final Rose Reunion took place? Regardless, you were our pick, and I think Mr. Womack is definitely regretting tossing your butt to the curb right about now (given his and Emily's final interview).

Just to be clear, I'm on Team Chantal, but the Final Rose went to the girl who played her cards and the game the best, Emily. I gotta hand it to her, I really do. At first I thought Emily was the obvious choice that would be why she wouldn't win, because after already having gone through this process once, Brad would be way too smart to fall for the typical, big boob, doe-eyed, southern, down of the farm, prom queen, even with the addition sob-story, woe is me accessory. I mean she came in wearing a fitted black gown and went out wearing an appropriate and suggestive white one. BOY WAS I WRONG. He fell for her subtle theatrics, hook, line and sinker.

You'd think at some point he'd catch a clue. Okay, so her HS sweetheart died, but even if he didn't how many people actually end up with their HS sweethearts and are ACTUALLY HAPPY? Supposedly they were also not only deliriously happy but engaged, as well? I'm confused about that one, because coming from a Nascar infatuated family I know the Ricky Hendricks was engaged, but it wasn't to her, so apparently between the age of 16-19 (when he died) he apparently had time to fall in love twice, propose twice and get Emily knocked up. So much for all those values she pretends to have. I also love how she still can be considered a "kept woman" even though he is long since dead...did you see her house on the hometown visit episode? Nice, very nice. Thank you Team Hendricks, for taking care of your son's baby mama. I won't even go into the fact that Emily is also a notch on Dale Jr.'s belt...post mortem of ex fiance...so being at the track didn't bother her badly enough to be a groupie for a different sport. FYI Emily, if you would have gone for a basketball player, you could have gotten more air time on Basketball Wives. Moving on, I liked how Emily was so private and reserved with Brad and yet his family thought the exact opposite. I mean she did get to spend a few hours with them, that should explain why she was so comfortable with them and not with Brad, who she spent weeks with. It was so sanctimonious of Emily to accept the shared suite with Brad, only after acknowledging her status as a mother and role model, which didn't stop her from doing the dirty. Hope you're Catholic Emily, it'll be a lot easier to get forgiveness for that crock of shit. I wonder how Brad's family felt after watching The Final Rose Reunion where Emily shot down Brad, brutally and repeatedly, even going as far as to say that she would not be willing to marry him at this time, when they specifically asked if she would actually marry Brad, if asked. Finally, the only absolute that Brad gave all the girls  was that they would have to relocate to Texas. I suppose Emily was getting her hair and teeth did that day, because even that move seems to be asking too much of her now; she is unwilling to move at this point as well. Not that I can blame her, if my baby's daddy's family was fitting my bill I wouldn't be quick to ditch them either.

I almost feel bad for Brad....ALMOST. Had he not been such a man and fallen for the typical I'm a blonde bombshell, heartbroken, lonely, lady-in-distress routine maybe I'd feel a bit more sympathy, but following your penis doesn't always lead you to greener pastures. In his own words..."Emily, oh sweet little Emily, well, Emily isn't always so sweet. LMAO." Ya think? How sweet can a woman be who will throw your ass under the bus all night long? And yet, you're the dumbass who put the ring on her finger again! Just wondering, but why would you give her the Neil Lane ring again, when 10 minutes earlier she said she wouldn't marry you or move to TX to be in the same region as you. Good luck working on all of those issues, living bi coastal. Serves you right.

Final Thoughts: Emily got a rose and ring, but deserves an Emmy for a job well-done and convincing performance of a virtuous, lonely, innocent baby mama, that must have been hard for a gold digging media whore. To Brad, I guess that final rose had some thorns, huh?

Thank God MTV has signed my meatballs and gorillas up for another season.

I would like to dedicate this particular post to Cuz Cuz, since she is the one who requested it. LOL


*Not by his choice, and yes, we know it starts at 8pm but we dvr it to miss the annoying commercials.