So it's that time, again. It seems like I have created a tradition of sorts in my life: About a year after HS and College graduation I had an epiphany of sorts, of the type of people in my life, the relationships that I had with these people and the relationship I both wanted and needed to have. At that point, I took the necessary steps to preserve myself and sanity by removing the unwanted and unhealthy "relationships" in my life. I type, "relationships" because it has been my constant experience that in most of the cases of those people who I choose to disassociate with or cease communication, our relationship, if you can even call it that, had become one-sided. I guess I missed the childhood lesson where there was a time line on friendships or that moving away equates to moving on. I've always thought that any person I care enough about to call a friend deserves the best I can offer. I am lazy in many things (especially with going to the gym) but NO ONE can ever truthfully say that I am lazy when it comes to my relationships and friendships.
In fact, I typically lose sleep and am physically impacted by the mere possibility of conflict or problems with those people I care about. It's actually quite frustrating when I can't sleep and "MY FRIEND(s) can't get their head out of their own ass long enough to realize that there is even a problem OR they don't care enough to fix it (which if this is the case then they should have the decency to just say so). NOTHING is more disrespectful that avoiding a problem or person or pretending that it doesn't exist. It's both selfish and rude. I get the why and I've heard the explanations before, but that doesn't change the effect your actions (or in the case, the negative effect your inactions) have on the people around you. Your entitled to your own coping and defense mechanism, but if that is your constant approach to everything, then perhaps that disclaimer should be made, especially if the other people in your life, take the more active approach of a REASONABLE cooling off period followed by actual acknowledgment and action. Call me crazy but I have to agree and respectfully quote Elie Wiesel here:
"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."
By his own account he was not merely referring to the Holocaust. That's a given. He was also referring to the relatively small things in life that people so easily put on a back burner or refuse to acknowledge. He was referring to those people who think that there will always be a tomorrow and that if it's not life or death it can wait. He was referring to people who claim to care about the people in their life but can't be bother to actually CARE about those people in the way that is BEST for them. For quite some time, I've been working on this, along with other things. I have been trying to find a healthy compromise.
However, sometimes the best solution is dissolution. Hence my approximate decadal relationship spring cleaning. It happened in my freshmen year of college. Again in my first year of law school. It's happening again. The whole process is painful. Painful in both obvious and obscure ways. It's hard after caring for so long to 1) realize that the majority of the time you care more for them then they care for you, 2) you can no longer live with that reality, and 3) they probably won't even realize you're gone (let alone miss you companionship). I purposely said "majority of the time" above because I understand that in every relationship, platonic or not, there are going to be moments when one person cares more or at the very least differently than the other and I agree, with most, that this is natural and okay. But, if habitual, it's damning.
To be honest, I have a hard time letting go of mere acquaintances, especially if they have not intentionally done anything to me, so you can imagine, how difficult it is to let go of "friends". I just try to keep in mind that it's not a true and healthy friendship if I'm the only one being a consistent and reliable friend. I'm not perfect. I'm not looking for perfection. I'm not always available but make myself available when needed. I not only believe but endorse what Tyler Perry via Medea says about people and friends in Medea Goes to Jail. He said it better than I ever could:
Comparing People To Trees----------------"Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a season. You have to know which is which. I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they go to the left. The wind blows from the other way, they go to the right. They are just unstable. You can't count on them for nothing. All they ever do is take from that tree. What you need to understand about a leaf is that it has a season. It'll wither and die and blow away.There ain't no need to be praying over a leaf to be resurrected. When it's dead it's gone. Let it go! Some people are like that. All the leaf ever does is cool you off every now and then. If you're grown, you know what I'm talking about, because you can call them in the middle of the night and get cooled off. That's the leaf people. They come to take. Then there are people like a branch. You got to be careful with branch people. They come in all different shapes and sizes. You never know how strong they will be in your life. So my advice is to tip out on it slowly. When you're going out on a limb, don't put too much weight on it at once, because it can fall and leave you high and dry. Sometimes, you have to wait for a branch to grow up before it can hold all of the things you want to share with it. Finally, there are people who are like roots at the bottom of the tree. If you find yourself two or three people in your entire lifetime that are like the roots, then you are blessed. The roots don't care nothing about being seen. All they're there to do is hold that tree up, to make sure it stays in the air. It comes from the earth to give that tree everything it needs. That's what relationships should be about. That's what you need, people who want to be in your life for the right reasons. If somebody wants to walk out of your life, you've got to LET THEM GO! When you learn to love yourself, you will end up giving standards to everyone around you. Again, I repeat with emphasis, if they don't meet those standards, you have to let them go, because they might be a leaf. And forgive them with all your might".*
So, as I previously stated, it's that time again. I'm letting "the leaves and flimsy branches" go and holding on to my roots, for which I am undeniably blessed to have. I've been putting it off with hopeful disillusionment, but have come to terms with I'm probably going to be better off, once I successfully distance myself enough to not be bothered by their distance. It's just pathetic that what some people do so easily, I truly trouble with. Like always, this will be a process, just hopefully not a long one. Swift and easy is ideal, but not realistic. I hate having to move on; I hate loss; I hate giving up; I hate change....but I'm looking forward to meeting new people. I'm looking forward to new experiences and memories. I'm essentially purging myself of what's been bad (for me) in hopes that there is better things and better relationships to come.
I would be remiss if I didn't thank those people in my life, that are actually actively in my life, and always have been, who I always want to be. Thank you to you guys (and you know who you are) that I have always counted on and who I sincerely cherish. I do have the privilege and pleasure of calling some of the most amazing people in the world my friends. I also must apologize to these people, My "Roots" because by being so concerned and caught up with the leaves and branches in my life (sometimes confusing them for roots), I may have inadvertently neglected you...which was never my intention, but regardless I am sorry for that.
Take home: Last year, I had 800 friends on Facebook...I've slowly narrowed it down to about 200. That same ratio applies to the people in my phone / life and I'm so much better for it.My goal is no leaves, fewer branches, and maintaining my roots, because I know I have more than anyone one person should be blessed with. I am clearly blessed. And see, I'm already feeling better. :)
*Medea Goes to Jail Clip; worth watching:
http://www.searchgate.com/Madea_Comparing_People_To_Trees_v5572731/
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