Dear Myspace....

Dear Myspace,

 I am writing for multiple reasons, but may I start back offer you my deepest and most insincere apologies for losing a great portion of your members (and thereby, advertisers) to Facebook. That Harvard kid had no idea when he was stealing some Frat Guys' ideas that he was also gunning straight for you. Oh well, it was good while it lasted, right? Anyways, sorry you've had your ass handed to you in the past couple of years.

Speaking of having your ass handed to you....are you aware of all of the the threats and pending lawsuits that you are facing lately? I heard from a little birdie (more like 1000s) that you have been engaging in some fraudulent and corrupt actions. Shame on you! Really, SHAME ON YOU!I'm not one to believe in idol gossip, although I won't deny feeling internally grateful that I cancelled my account over 2 years ago, as to avoid the scandal and media meltdown that has become your not-so-hot reputation. Being newly admitted to law school and still of the nonchalant, be and let be undergrad mentality, I was remiss in practicing due diligence and actually confirming (for the second time) that you did, in fact (not just in  theory), remove my profile within the allotted 1-3 day period. SHAME ON ME! You can only imagine my surprise (among other feelings) when my husband informs over years later that you did not delete my account and have been using my ignorance to keep you membership numbers up, in a pathetic attempt to keep you advertisers in black, about you heading toward being in the red. How dare you! Seriously, HOW DARE YOU???

Not only was I always a reluctant myspace member (mostly joining out of peer / social / media pressure and out of pure curiosity), but I was an unimpressed one to boot. Your site was complicated and lacked any sort of functionality for the average multitasking person, who didn't bother lowering their social status by taking more than the required computer science courses. Given that I actually did you a favor by joining in the first place (because let's face it, with FB on the horizon, lord knows you needed every moron you could get), I can't for the life of me figure out what would make you think that I would tolerate you violating my Constitutional rights, by not closing my account, when requested and confirmed the first time, second or third time. You have heard of the Constitution, right? That silly old document that protects my right to privacy and right to choose??? Perhaps you should Google it. You won't have to read very far...the first couple of articles should do it.

Where were we? Yes, after my third attempt to close this worthless site, I realize that my lack of computer skills is not the problem. Rather, it's your lack of an actual customer service department or any living human beings to complain to. Never fear, I got a bit crafty and although you seem to lack in employees your legal department seems well staffed....hmmm, I wonder why??? After three fully failed attempts to delete my account, 6 emails to every email address associated with your site (that was available to the public) and 2 very direct, succinct, and informative voice messages to your legal department, my profile was taken down. ABOUT DAMN TIME!

As it turns out, I'm not the only disgruntled member (although  since I managed to escape, I now will no longer acknowlege my lapse in judgment). According to your own FAQ page and help link, you should be worried..very worried. Apparently, (as I've recently been informed) you are not legally allowed to advertize on people's page without providing them with compensation...perhaps something to do with intellectual / property rights AND just compensation for any form of imminent domain. I could make a decent argument that you hijacking my site for your own purposes and basically trying to own it through prescription (as if that is possible) could be considered...a taking of property and you should know that no court seems keen on allowing that kind of behavior. Myspace, are you a squatter???

I don't think I'm the only one that is on to you, because last time I checked their were over 500 complaints for this very issue on your own website, for all of the world to see. I would love to see what people on other sites, that you don't own, and therefore can't edit, are saying about you. Last time I checked, there were even a couple of people initating a class action against you, asking for anybody with a similar claim to sign on (free of legal fees, btw). Just for the record...they have my number.

Here's a clue: Game over. FB (and I) won. You lost. You basically are the new Napster...wait, is that reference even worth making, since most of my generation and those behind me don't even remember that intellectual property thief??? Well, perhaps the movie Social Network, clued them in....LMAO...that's right! FB even has their own movie. That really does suck for you!

Anyways, again, sorry for your losses (all of them: past, present, and future) and although I probably won't be seeing you in court, I can't wait to read about your case(s).

Sincerely,
Shana
(Formerly Known as Wildturkey84@myspace.com)